Finding Normal
by Toodleoo
Summary: If it exists, Luna will tell you so. [A fluffy story about dealing with people who don't quite get it.]
_A/N: Written for a friend who was having a bad day after her co-worker insinuated that two girls can't date each other because it's... "not normal." This same_ genius _also insisted on the idea that you can't be equal partners in a relationship, but that one needs to be more feminine and the other more masculine. So... because people can be idiots, here's a story about Pansy and Luna._

* * *

The front door slammed so hard that the windows in the dining room rattled.

 _Oh, dear_ , Luna thought to herself. _That will wake the Blibbering Humdinger in the hall._

Her next thought was that this _particular_ slam was several notches louder than her girlfriend's 'I'm home from work now!' usual. Something must have gone terribly wrong at the Ministry in order to upset Pansy so.

Luna ambled from the back of their apartment to the foyer, peeking into the hallway as she passed it. _Nope_ , she thought, observing the blue-feathered creature bobbing beside the wall of photographs. _Still sound asleep._

What she found, crumpled in a heap on the minimalist settee Pansy had insisted on, was a sobbing woman. _Her_ sobbing woman, curled up in a ball with her feet beneath her, stiletto heels kicked across the room.

Luna didn't know why Pansy was crying, but she did know that her lover liked it when she stroked her hair. Toeing off her own shoes, Luna climbed up beside her and gently pulled the brunette into a more comfortable position with her head in her lap. Once Pansy was settled, Luna threaded her fingers through Pansy's locks, tugging at the roots with all the gentleness of a Puffskein in heat. _They were such docile creatures during mating season,_ Luna thought _._ She couldn't remember the soothing love cry of the Puffskein, so instead, she hummed a tune that her mother used to sing to her as a girl, and Pansy fell asleep.

* * *

Around ten minutes later, drowsy and rumpled, Pansy began to stir. She looked up Luna, blinking as she shook herself to alertness.

Luna leaned down and kissed her sweetly on the lips. _It was always nice at this angle_ , she reflected. "I like kissing you upside down," she said. "Your teeth feel different like this."

Pansy grasped her behind the neck, holding Luna closer while she kissed her with more fervor.

After a bit of delightful snogging, Pansy let go and sat upright. She scooted closer to Luna, pulling the blonde's arms around her. "Thanks," she said. "I needed that after today."

"What happened?" Luna asked.

"Zacharias Smith is what happened, " Pansy said in a huff. Her eyes blazed and her nostrils flared like they did whenever she was passionate about something. "He's like a human bedsore on a good day, but on a bad day, he's a mouth-breathing, knuckle-dragging gobshite."

Luna didn't know the man well enough to say if Pansy was right, but she held her tongue. Sometimes Pansy was simply enjoying the drama of the day's events, but Luna always wanted to hear what she thought and how she felt about things. Perhaps Smith had done something to _hurt_ Pansy.

"You know he asked about you?" Pansy asked.

Luna frowned. She hadn't thought Pansy had told her co-workers about their relationship. At least, not the co-workers who weren't Hermione and Draco, who often came over for dinner, or Neville and Justin, who helped them with the garden. "Zacharias knows about us?"

"He does now," Pansy said. She examined her cuticles, a sure sign that she was trying to distract herself. "He asked if you were the girl in the relationship."

"I am… _a_ girl in this relationship," Luna said. "You're one, too. Does he not understand that you're also a woman?" She was a bit surprised by Smith's mistake. Pansy's lovely breasts made her gender fairly clear, didn't they? Maybe Smith was confused. Or maybe he just wasn't very bright.

"Sodding Smith," Pansy said, muttering under her breath. "That utter wanker. Then he implied that _he_ is, and I quote, 'normal,' and that _we_ "—here she gestured wildly between the two of them—"are somehow _abnormal_."

"Are you all right?" Luna asked, reaching over to caress her girlfriend's cheek. "Did you say anything you regret again?"

Pansy sniffled and shook her head. "No. I was too shocked to say anything."

Luna beamed at her. "I'm so proud of you. That was so kind of you."

"I wanted to smack his stupid mouth shut," Pansy continued, her voice rising in volume, "but then I thought that if I touched him, his scabrous disease-ridden idiocy might be contagious, and I'm planning on using these fingers on you later tonight." She smirked at Luna, eyes filled with promise.

Luna kissed her cheek, enjoying the silky skin there. She'd kissed a few men in her time, but nothing about their roughness ever appealed to her the way that Pansy's softness did. Oh, she hid it beneath a cold exterior, but Luna _knew_ her. "Sometimes, I think men are uncomfortable with us because they're afraid of their own sexuality," she said. "Perhaps Zacharias is acting out of his own fears and ignorance."

"That's a given, love," Pansy said, running her fingers up and down Luna's leg. It tickled deliciously.

"Hyper-masculinity can be a sign that he's overcompensating for something physiological," Luna reiterated. She thought it over for awhile, and stated the most likely truth she could come up with. _It was obvious, when she thought about it._ "It's likely that Zacharias possesses a rather small penis."

Pansy snorted aloud, laughing heartily. "Fuck, but I l _ove_ you, Luna."

"Oh," Luna replied, smiling. She pulled her shirt up over her head and folded it, setting it on the coffee table. She set it in the shade of the plants so it wouldn't feel lonely. "I love you, too, of course." Deciding that Pansy needed a bit more cheering up, Luna undid Pansy's blouse, button by button. "Will you feel safe at work tomorrow?"

Pansy grinned again. "That's the best part," she said. "I filed a report about his behavior with his supervisor, who will speak with him tomorrow morning."

"Will he lose his job?"

"No," Pansy said. She shimmied out of her pencil skirt, standing barefoot in nothing but a tiny pair of blue lace knickers. "But his supervisor will castrate him when she discovers exactly what he said."

"Castration may make him feel better, given his undoubtedly tiny penis," Luna offered, trying to be helpful. "But will he _learn_ anything from this?"

Pansy giggled. "Luna, his supervisor at the Ministry is Granger. I'm going to enjoy watching the fallout of this from afar." She took Luna's hand, pulling her up to stand. Then, with a flick of her wand, they were both naked.

Luna led her to their bedroom at the end of the hall, making a point of searching for the creature from earlier. _Ah, yes. There it was! The Humdinger was still asleep, even after all of Pansy's outbursts._

"Normal, my arse," Pansy muttered.

"I wouldn't put much stock in that word," Luna said. She pushed her girl down onto the bed and fluffed one of their embroidered pillows to lay beneath Pansy's long brown hair. "People accuse me of making up things all the time," Luna said, joining her beneath the sheets, "and I'll be the first to tell you that there's no such thing as 'normal.' It simply doesn't exist."

* * *

 _Fin._


End file.
